He's Married But I Didn't Know!
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Wow! But This Does Happens. A Lot!
The first question would be, how could you not know that he was married and the response, because he didn't tell me. First of all, I could tell you that my feet are purple, but that doesn't mean that it is true, especially if I never take my shoes off when I'm around you. If I'm always very protective of my feet and I never want to do anything that involves me taking my shoes off. Well shouldn't that make you a little suspicious and maybe think that, "Hey, I don't think that she really has purple feet. What I'm trying to say is that a person can tell you anything and if you believe them then that's on you. We are all human and as humans some of us tend to lie, some of us tell itsy bitsy small lies like, (No, I didn't drink the last of the orange juice) and some of us tell GREAT BIG ONES like, (Na, baby, I ain't married. And this fool has a wife three children, a dog, a mortgage, car notes, daycare and a partridge in a pear tree, sitting at home waiting on him). Never put all of your trust in man. I don't even trust my family like that, I frequently run background checks on them, They tend to look a little suspect sometimes. (lol)
It's hard to see the signs, I know this, because I have been led down that street once or twice….maybe it was three times but who's counting. Even though the signs of untruthfulness are right before your eyes, it can be hard to see it when your vision is cloudy by the murkiness of love. When you are in love with someone, you can't even think straight most of the time and you tend to put aside your intuition. We will vacate common sense and trade it in for no sense at all. Love is a magnificent blood sucker, thirsty for all who dare to dream it perfect. Love has no stipulations and no terms and conditions box to check upon entering into it. We dive in head first with no life jacket and expect that we will make it out safe on the other side and live happily ever after with Mr. or Ms. Perfect. That does happen and not only in the fairytales either and that's why when we do fall in love, many times than not, we fall hard, because we all want the fairytale. Then there are some that want their cake and ice cream and yours too.
Which leads us to that married man who thought that it was best not to tell you that he was married. I don't know where he got his thinking from but I'm willing to bet that he was not thinking with the big head, instead he let the little one lead him down the path of destruction and obliteration. They always do and they always get caught. It's best to tell the truth upfront and don't compound the crime by lying. By him lying and saying that he is not married, not only is he hurting the other woman, he is also hurting his wife by committing adultery. Simply because he wanted some extra cookies on the side. I'm sure that if he had told his wife that he wanted some extra cookies (i.e. sex) she would have given it to him. It can work on both sides, even though I don't condone cheating, at all... well maybe sometimes….anyway this is not about me and I am not married. If this man had told the other woman the truth about him being married, he still would have probably got some cookies from her too, with milk. Now he has lied to both of the women, where can he lay his head at now. I guess he can call Mama and the only cookies Mama got for him are Oreos or Chips Ahoys.
Ladies keep your eyes open and pay attention to the signs. If this man never takes you to his place and he can never spend the night with you, he may just be hiding something. If this man only comes by when he wants to and only answers your call at certain times of the day, he may just be hiding something. If this man is concealing his phone calls and every time a call comes in he goes into another room to answer it, he may just be hiding something. Ladies, if this man can't take you to meet his momma and she lives right around the corner, then you have to know that something is just not right. If all of the above applies to you, chances are that the person that you are involved with, is also involved with another.
I will leave you with this, a person can only do to you what you let them. Learn from your mistakes, don't let them hinder you from jumping into the love game again. Keep it moving.
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Thanks for an interesting, encouraging Hub.
Believe me, sometimes it's hard to know. Some men are very good at concealing but as you know, we later learn the hard way. Best Wishes. :)
So so true. only I was the fool sat at home waiting for him to come home... and he did have the guts to stay out all night and give me very believable stories the next day!! Bigger fool me for believing them but I LEARNED MY LESSON THE HARD WAY!! Sick & very twisted man...
It is a very hard lesson to learn. Keep you head up Missie. You are not a fool, you just fell for the wrong type of man. They are out there and kind of hard to get around.
I just learned this hard lesson myself.... saw him for two months. All the signs were there and I even asked him point blank if he was married. OF course he denied it. I ended up finding out because my sister's friend worked with him and told her that he was married...My sister then told me. I would never be with someone who was married. I can't believe this happened to me, but it did... and I will move on.
Sherry that really sucks and for him to do that is absolutely disgusting. His lack of honesty is repulsive and the carelessness that he showed is outrageous. Some people just don't take into account the consequences of their actions. It's a tough thing to go through, but dust yourself off and get back out there. I know they say that trust is everything, but it doesn't hurt to help trust out a little by running a background check on a man with a plan. A woman's intuition is really strong when it comes down to an unfaithful man. When those signs rear their ugly heads again, be sure to be right there to pull them up and throw them in his face.
Keep Your Head Up Ma!
Im just going through this same situation...omg! The guy never ever told me he was married...i had to find out myself... he's scheduke become so repetative...i always know when he would pick up his phone and when he wouldnt and to what days i would and wouldnt see him.... im just upset that i gave my all to him and at times i just wanna make him pay. Now he told me we should be friends, he cant lose me...like...havent u thought about that from the get-go????
I'm sorry that you had to go through that and by him saying that he can't lose you, he just does not understand the magnitude of that ignorant stunt that he just pulled. Don't fall for it girl, he wants his cake and he wants to eat it too, just don't give him the fork and plate to do so. Let me ask you this, would you punch someone in the face and while they are bleeding on there shoes, you say, "We still friends right?" What kind of mess is that. He still wants to be your friend and He can't lose you, okay so it's all about him now, but what about the pain he has put you through. Cut the cord and leave that fool where he is, friendless and loss. Tell him deuces and kick rocks, there are too many men out there to waste your time on toddler.
Hello fellow sisters,
First let me say that if this has happened to you my heart goes out to you.
In Sept 10 I too became involved with a married man. I did not know he was married.
During our three month courtship we spent many of awesome nights together just talking and sharing our life. We were busy building that house of trust and friendship that I believe all good relationships are built on. During those three months, while building away a bad odor kept filling my nostrils.
One week before Xmas this man left, he was in my town on work, his main office is in Corpus Christi TX.
I started looking closer at the little house we built, only to discover that our pretty little home of trust and friendship was built on a foundation of $hi+!
I did not lay that foundation he did!
Taking a closer look came at a high price! The truth was painful.
Now, while my wounds are still fresh, I have to decide, do I care to stand in that house knowing that I compromise my safety, my beliefs and my values.
NO THANKS, I say to myself:). That house is only as good as the foundation it is built on, it is shaky at best and will never stand the test of time. I deserve a house built on a good foundation.
Shame on him!
Shame on me? Not! Only if I choose to stand in that house and compromise myself,my beliefs and my values.
I'll lick my painful wounds until they heal. I know with time they will. :)
To all the other sisters out there, be true to thyself, acknowledge your pain, lick your wounds. Remember your house, regardless of type, is only as good as the foundation it is built on.
I just went though the same thing
. I been wit this guy 6months now I didnt no he was married just this past weeend I found out I seen a girl number that keep textin him but he didnt want tell me who she was so I calld her n his face n she tld me she was his wife but wat I dont get is that he ask m
I was dating this guy for 6 months. I found out 4 days ago he was married when his wife texted me. He called me every night and we would talk for hours. He would call me during the day and text me as well. He came to meet my family. And also called me on the holidays. As well he spent many nights with me and we did go out places as well. I had even met his friends. So the other day his wife informs me they are still married and he does still live at home. And that they have an 8 month old son! She however was very nice about it all and didnt blame me and even apologized for her husbands behavior but informed me she would not be leaving him. Biggest news of all I may be pregnant with his child.
Wow nccutie, that's crazy. The wife actually seems like she's been through this before, because she handled that situation a little too calmly. He was quite ballsy, taking you around his friends and everything. But did his friends act strange around you at all? If not then they are also use to him cheating on his wife, which is sick. He was doing all the right things that a man in a monogamous relationship should, simply because he's an expert at this. You were not the first and you will not be the last. If you are pregnant, love your child no matter what, because it's never the child's fault. Let's see how nice the wife is once she finds out that you may be carrying his child.
Still no cycle yet. Apparantly the wife has been through this many times before with him. His friends are use to it and do the same thing so im told. I still have his wedding band. And have not heard anything more about it. This situation is not looking pretty at all.
No cycle, it could be stress causing you to be late. I have to ask you this though, why do you have his wedding band. How did that happen?
my issue is quite different .
even though it sounds tacky . i hope that someone
here can understand me and give me some good advice .
here goes . this guy started flirting with me since last year . i had a crush on him . i thought he was cute and everything , but anyway . finally i encouraged myself to tell him . but instead of telling him i had a crush on him , i said my friend had a crush on him , he asked for
her number and said he'd call . i gave him , her name .
but that name and number was mine. i was shy and nervous . he never did call . i don't know if he ever did like me . he never told me . forgot to tell you , that
he is a bus driver . i dont always see him . the last time
i spoke to him was when i was leaving that day from the bus , i saw his gold wedding band . why couldn't he just tell me he is married , or he is unhappily married
he gave me hopes . some people tell me , maybe he is divorced etc . do women care when their husbands cheat or flirt with other women turning them on .
do these men ever leave their wives for the other woman . whom is pleasuring them , loving them , why would a man stay married to a woman if she is not making him happy , and he has to go on to another woman .
Diamond, men are not like us. If we are married and or in a committed relationship and some guy comes on to us we immediately tell him, "Hold on. I'm married." It's not their fault, some men are not that vocal about their relationship like we are. You saw the wedding band and you still gave him your number. He's not trying to hide the fact that he is married, it was right there on his finger. So you are the one that's violating, coming on to a married man. To answer your other question, everyone gets tired of the same old thing over and over again. That will send any person in search of something new and fresh. The problem is communication. If a man is unhappy with his wife then he should let her know so that they can work on their relationship together. Now if things stay the same after that then the only reason to stay is for necessity and to take care of his responsibilities as a father and a man.
Last year, I was involved with a married man online (without knowing he is). He told me about a girl he's dating, but 'not yet his girlfriend'. We got more than friendly, chatting for hours, and I suddenly found myself fallen for him. We would chat online on Fridays and every weekend, on cam, and I saw that he slept alone, ate alone, and it looked as if he was the only one in his 'bachelor' apartment that he just moved in. He spent the rest of his annual holidays chatting with me. We even wrote a love story together via email, telling each other about our fantasies. Then after a few weeks he bailed. Disappeared. I was prepared that he's probably in a commited relationship with the girl he talked about due to proximity. Somehow, I waited for him to contact again, then in vain, then I deleted him from my online contact to prevent myself from going crazy. He added me back, then we got to talk during Christmas. He said he would spend Christmas with his girlfriend at her parents' house. I asked of nothing more but friendship, he told me it's ok, and that he thought of our shared moments from time to time and that I was his ex-princess (because he's a Prince), and how stupid I was! Late in January he asked me what's up after seeing my RIP status (which was for my dog). We talked, he told me his relationship was rocky and that they were taking a break. He said we could become 'special friends' again, and that he thought, after all the experiences I told him about, he knew me better than anyone else. Yes, he did. But a few weeks after that he bailed again. I missed him so much but, having decided that I should get over him, pressed for closure. He didn't give me the exact reason why he wanted to leave me, but admitted he was a BIG JERK, and that I deserved better. That was our last correspondence. Months after that I googled him, wishing I would find out about how he was doing. I used to google him before but found none of his other accounts online, but this time I wanted to try my luck. Surpringly, I found an account of him on a social network site (not Facebook, btw). The main photo was him with a blue-eyed baby just like his. He was smiling to the camera. The baby looked precious. I read the comments... long story short, I found out the name of his wife. They've been married since 2009. I'm not mad at him now, as I accept that some men can be liars and cheaters to their loving spouses and many, many innocent girls. I'm fighting the urge to write him that I know (I still have his email), and I just wish not to encounter this kind of man again and/or ruin a perfect family.
Wow J.K! That is crazy. Sounds to me like he really enjoyed having a corresponding relationship confined only within a digital box of communication with you. Something perhaps he was not getting from his wife. You guys never met so maybe he didn't see that as cheating on his wife. He lied to you about being married because he thought there was no way of you finding out. But that's internet life for you. We can be whoever we want be, even if it is a big fat ass lie. Never trust a person whom you've never met face to face, and even then you have to do a background check. Chock it up to a lesson learned and be thankful that you only let this man into your heart and not your wallet. Keep your head up Ma, only sunshine can come out or this downpour.
I should have known...I had all the signs right in front of me, but like they say, it's never happened to me before, plus when a guy makes u feel that good, unfortunately I was to blind to see. #1sign: he told me recently broke up with his girlfriend, because she accused him of cheating. #2. He only wanted to go to places to hangout where not to many people were going to be hanging out. #3.He cancelled dates many times. #4.He talked crap on his ex-girlfriend (wife) #5. He never had time to see me, but always had convenient stories that covered all of his tracks. #6 He never once asked me to come over to his house.
Warning to all girls in this situation: GET OUT! Why would you want to date someone who is married...truth hurts, but once a cheater, always a cheater. Plus, don't think that you're somebody special, that is why he chose u to be with and not his wife; truth is he doesn't think you're special, he's using you, so most likely he has very little respect for you, because he doesn't care about if he's going to hurt you or not, he only cares about satisfying himself. Regardless of how cute he is...GET OUT!
we started chatting in june 2011,he seemed to be a perfect bachelor doing all the chores himself and keeping his apartment neat and tidy. i used to wonder often why he was still single at this age and status (he is 30+ and is a senior manager in a reputed company)
we stay in different places. he came to my place and i met him for the first time in july and again in august 2011. i went to visit him in november...again in dec.. did not see anything fishy in his apartment..
i was on cloud nine and thanked God often for giving him to me.. he was perfect for me as in he was everything
what my previous drunkard and abusive and insecure bf who used to live off my earnings was not.
How i found out ? - i sent him an invite over orkut (i had logged in after 2 years and jst wanted to see how his profile looked) and i got a shock of my life when i read his scraps regarding his wifey. the scraps were 6 years old. when i asked him about his wife he simply told they were separated.
i blindly trusted his words cos i was so so much in love.. that i visited again in jan 2012. whenever i asked about the reason he got separated with his wife he always blamed her for not being able to adjust with him.they even have a daughter.
During my stay in Jan he had told me that his bro and sis in law (who stay in another city)were going to stay with him for 2 months as his bro got some project to finish up in the city.
During those 2 months, we hardly talked or texted each other over the phone. and thinking that he was busy i kept quiet though i used to miss him so much. i even visited his city (work related) and we met at his cousin's place.
last week i reached his place the same evening his brother and sis in law left..day before yesterday while he was taking a nap i happened to browse his laptop for movies(he forgot to log off) and accidentally found video of his wife and child in the same house just a few days ago...i wanted more evidence so i kept quiet that day. Next day while he was away in his office i found his wife's and child's belonging in a cabinet under the bed..I would have never found them had i not seen the video and searched for it. It was not his bro it was his own wife and child who were staying with him during those 2 months!!!
He was always in touch with his wife who had gone to her mother's house to deliver the child and had remained there for a few more months.(now again she is back to her hometown for some family function hence i'm here at his place)
i know am in soup...still on his bed (in the other room) i feel guilty for being an intruder..i feel bad for his wife. But come to think of it i never did anything intentionally. I know i have to leave him, hence finding strength in all the stories and comments of others who went through the same.
i realized he lied a lot..about his relationship, his wife's behavior, his child's age etc etc.. i even happen to see a text msg by some other gal stating 'pls talk to me, i will go mad' which means i am not the only one he is fooling around with...
Missi Darnell 2 years ago
Good hub, good advice.